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07 October 2012 @ 10:16 pm
{fic rec list}

fic fic fic fic fic fic fic fic Collapse )
15 July 2014 @ 11:02 pm
hey guys.

as some of you know, i haven't been around for the past few months. i haven't been online at all. i've had a few things to deal with and i haven't been able to cope very well; i've had to put off university for the time being and i honestly don't know when i'll be able to go back.

i've been diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety. i was seeing a psychologist but 1) she creeped me out with her face-lifty face, 2) she was also a sex therapist and kept mentioning it and that creeped me out too, 3) she kept asking me if i could touch my toes and i can't remember why and 4) she cost $200 to see for an hour so i only saw her like four times, and now i have no money. i do, however, have kittens that like to sleep on my face, so that's kind of the best antidepressant ever. i barely make it out of the house or off the couch and if it weren't for sarabi trying to pee on my bed in the mornings i wouldn't get up. so at the moment i'm kind of taking one day at a time, trying not to have breakdowns in shopping centres or at bus stops or in chemists because the chemist asked if i wanted a bag or not. i'm barrelling my way through the entirety of akame fanfics that are on the internet for some reason, as well as rewatching avatar: the last airbender.

but for some reason, je makes me feel extremely anxious. my stomach twists in knots and i feel sick if i think of them or see their faces. somehow i can listen to their music and read fic though? i don't understand it. they didn't do anything wrong.

i'm terribly sorry to all the people i've worried. i'll be fine. if you want to reach me you can inbox me here or email me. i promise i'll reply, i just might take some time. i know i should've made this post sooner, but i didn't, and i'm very sorry for that. every time i tried, i kept putting it off, or making it worse for myself, and i'd become this anxious being of a human who couldn't do anything other than sit and stare at her closed computer. that happens a lot. i don't know why.

so, yes. i can't be around for now. i might keep writing, but i'm not keeping up with fandom (hurrah for au!). i will come back though, i promise that. i just need this. i need to find myself again.

don't worry about me, i'll be fine. i'm sorry for worrying you all, really. i miss you.

02 February 2014 @ 07:16 pm
you know where to find me.

i'm disappearing from twitter etc for a while because i'm pms-ing and everything is making me question everything, and i'm tired of it. my stomach ties itself in knots when i go to check twitter, and i don't know why. my mind overthinks things normally but when i'm pms-ing it's like it's on overdrive. it's been getting worse and worse and i am becoming a small monster, so i don't want to hurt the people i love the most by snapping or being weird.

so, like i said, if you need me, you can email me or message me here or on tumblr.
i'll be back soon ;) 
27 January 2014 @ 02:02 am
whiny shitCollapse )
27 January 2014 @ 01:42 am

today i lost my yamapi.
mum was taking the chickens from the side garden to the back yard and the door was open... my dog teddy scared one of the chickens and she flapped her wings, which sent yamapi flying right out that open side door.
yamapi was my 18th birthday present. i've had him for six/seven years now.
i miss him so much.
i went outside calling him; we heard him in the neighbours' backyard so i hopped the fence and tried to find him but by the time i managed to get over it he'd gone. my brother said he saw him fly off across the road. he didn't see if he landed.
he's not a good flier, so i hope he hasn't gotten himself into too much trouble. i hope he's not too scared. i hope he's found a good place to sleep tonight. i hope the fireworks didn't scare him too much. i hope he's not cold.
i hope he's safe.
i put fliers up around the streets in our estate but i'm not too hopeful. (i say that, yet there's something inside me that still does hope; when kame was lost i put up posters and someone found him and called. i guess that's what's fueling that tiny spark of hope on.) he's a beautiful boy but he doesn't like people's hands and he'll probably get scared of them if they try to pick him up... or he'll just blow kisses. whenever he gets scared he blows kisses.
when i put the birds to bed i say 'good night, boys', and they all pile into the bird cage. toma always waits for everyone else to go into bed before following, and tonight i was wondering why he wasn't moving from his usual perch. it didn't take me long to realise that he was waiting for yamapi to go to bed. i had to pick him up and place him into the cage because he wouldn't budge. he and yamapi were best friends and i don't know what he's gonna do without him. or how yamapi will cope without him. i remember once we had to take toma to the vet but as soon as we moved out of yamapi's eyesight with him they were both screaming for the other, so we had to take them both.
i feel empty.
i heard him before. it was about nine thirty. but i couldn't find him outside, it was too dark and he wasn't answering when i called.
he was special. he was my boy. he copied the sound of the telephone ringing and blew kisses all the time and always looked like he had a smile on his face. he was so happy. he'd walk around with toma right by his side and he'd turn and toma would duck under his tail cause he's littler than pi. and man, he'd be so annoying sometimes, with the way he'd sing really loud and high-pitched enough to hurt your ears, the same song over and over and over again, but oh how i'm gonna miss that.
i love you, yamapi.
please stay safe.
21 January 2014 @ 07:25 pm
i hate people and i'm going to become a cat.
21 January 2014 @ 06:41 pm
olaf picturesCollapse )

he's a little wonky, sure, but it's my first time sculpting something from an actual model, and i'm quite proud of him. one of his little twig-hairs fell off and i tried to glue it back on but it refused so now he is one twig short. the hardest part was his whole face; i've never sculpted anything like it before. it's mainly been flat pieces or dragons whose bodies and faces are pretty basic, and the only difficult parts are their wings. the coal on his body was hard to paint, too, cause the black would get onto the white and i'd go over it and then i'd accidentally get white on black and it was a vicious neverending cycle.
i also need to start sanding down the baked clay... but i didn't want to risk breaking him.
but i'm happy he's finally done! and i'm happy i'm happy with him :)


if you haven't seen frozen, then go see frozen. it's awesome.
04 January 2014 @ 01:20 am
merry belated christmas and a happy new year, f-list <33333 i hope your new years started well :) if not, then i hope the rest of the year will grow brighter for you.

on the 1st i restarted my photo-a-day blog, at goldendaydreams :B i encourage everyone to start one; it's fun going back through them and seeing what you've done.

all da pictures \o/Collapse )
13 December 2013 @ 07:07 pm
hey guys.
i know i completely suck at being an lj friend and i'm really sorry. i just don't check my friends page.

this is a very whiny post, and i apologise for it.

i am whinyCollapse )
05 December 2013 @ 02:29 pm
last night i went to see t-swift's red tour.

Read more...Collapse )